Anatomy of a Crash

The wings of a bird, once shattered, now free to fly
Her brain burned beyond recognition
Her nerves frayed to the breaking point
The wall struck with the force of a speeding train
The chemical imbalance onset age 22
The collapse
Impending insanity
The beauty of a house which was never hers
The spending spree
Three orange juices
Three Dr. Peppers
Three cream sodas
And nothing else
The moment she knew, deep inside herself, that her mind was gone
The moment she voluntarily committed herself to a hospital
Still disbelieving
Still unseeing
What illness?
None
Mere joy at his victory
Mere elation at the change coming for America
Pity no sleep
Pity no food
Increased energy like nothing she had ever known
A boundless enthusiasm
A true zest for life
In layman’s terms, we call that mania
The moment she knew herself to be different
When lithium restored her brain
The moment she knew herself to be mentally ill
When she grew convinced a lover was in the hospital with her
The auditory hallucinations
Of her family screaming reassurances
The visual hallucinations
Of her stepfather dead asleep at her feet
The moment she knew her brain to be wrong
When the drugs restored her to normal
The moment
The real moment
When she found the discharge papers in her hands
Read the diagnosis
Bipolar I, mania with psychotic features
The moment
The moment will never stop
It will hit her night after night
As she dutifully takes her pills
To maintain her brain
And keep her sane.
Bipolar I, mania with psychotic features.

~ by ambersbrainisinsane on December 28, 2008.