So Sick
I am so sick of sadness.
It clings to me like yellow oak pollen
Always wanting to seep inside, lingering on my skin.
A disgusting disease.
I am so sick of sadness.
Watching my best friend leap gladly into other endeavors with friendlier folk than I.
The relentless assault of facebook pictures plunging inside my eyes.
A leak, a sieve – I’d give anything to scratch them out of my brain.
I don’t resent his happiness, but I feel like life is slowly seeping out of me
Just like the fucking hourglass I use to brush my teeth.
The sands of time dripping slowly but surely from my grasp.
Events pass me by, life squeaks past me.
Don’t even bother to tell me; it’s okay, I’ll stay home.
I didn’t want to go anyway.
Oh no, I didn’t want to hang out with you and our friend at a party.
I didn’t. Really. Want to.
I am so sick of sadness.
Of my own invention, words so quickly spring forth.
My guitar returned to me.
My words come back, silent slender loving words
Like lost children
As if I know a damn thing about pregnancy.
I am so sick of sadness.
So sick of dwelling on my past, digging into every crevice.
What a useless pursuit.
I just want to live in the now, to breathe in the present
And belch it out for you all to witness.
My truth, shimmering shantytime for all to see.
No risks, no jumps into murky depths.
No cave diving
There’s a simplicity in solitude
There’s a loneliness in malaise
The only way to climb out of this funk
Is to stop taking my shit so personally
To shrug off their disinterest and make my own way
To enjoy every moment to its fullest breath
To live, like my uncle, like I just don’t give a fuck.
I am so sick of sadness.
I am so
I am so sick -
